What is the funniest & most hilarious joke you've ever heard?

Question

What is the funniest & most hilarious joke you've ever heard?

Answer 1

Santa living in Australia goes to Woolworths (A grocery store in Australia ).He finds cat food at special prices.



He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to the payment counter . The Manager gets suspicious.



He thinks that this guy cannot have a cat and will probably feed cat

food to his kids. He asks Santa to show him his cat before he can let him have the cat food.



Santa goes home and returns with a cat and gets to buy the cat food.

Next week Santa finds dog food at special prices.He picks a dozen cans of dog food and goes to the payment counter .



The Manager again gets suspicious.He thinks that this guy has a cat but he cannot have a dog and he will probably feed dog-food to his kids.



He asks Santa to bring and show him the dog before he can let him buy the dog food.



Santa goes home and returns with a dog. He gets to buy the dog food.



Next week Santa comes to Woolworths with a bag. He asks the manager to put his hand in the bag.



The Manager puts his hand in the bag and immediately takes it out.. He shouts at Santa, What the heck is this?! This is **** you ..... And Santa calmly replies: Yes, and I want to buy toilet paper..



















__._,_.___

Answer 2

If you an Indian,you should enjoy reading this...



Indian Algebra







1.) SSC + HSC + BMS + MBA = UNEMPLYOMENT .



2.) An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.



3.) Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.



4.) 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada

= 4 minute song in Hindi movie.



5.) Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum's favourite serials.



6.) Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan = Abhishek Bachchan

-Talent.



7.) Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan



8.) 1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda



9.) 1 person - shirt = Salman Khan



10.) 1 person + straight hair + unstraight walk = Sanjay dutt



11.) 1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol



12.) One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four hundred Relatives + A house bigger than Buckingham Palace = One Sooraj Barjataya's Film.



13.) One man + one woman = Isha Deol



14.) Time waste - time = Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi



15.) Boring songs + heavy dialogues + Bogus dressing = Devdas



16.) New heroes + New heroins = a flop movie



17.) Old heroes + new heroins = a blunder



18.) Old heroes + old heroins = timepass



19.) action - suspense + comedy - thrill - story - clothes = Indian super hit movie



20.) Do aur do paanch = Indian algebra



21) 1 Lady - 1 Brain = Aishwarya Rai

1 Lady - 1/2 Clothes = Mallika Sherawat

1 Lady + 1 Buffalo = Yana Gupta

Answer 3

All person know that



He born with empty hands and die also leaving all this here only.



He also know that many & many powerful animals / persons / SUFI Saint / Representative of God / Emperor came on this world and died with empty hands Which Emperor Sikandar Says





Peoples suffering in sereious sickness, also want to Live a little etc...



Then Also Peoples are fighting with each other.



Either for Money, for Girl, for Land etc.



This is most funniest joke of Life we living and most Hilarious for person suffering trouble.

Answer 4

Indian hell

An Indian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.

He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?"

He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on.

He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in.

Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"

He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"

"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen..."

Answer 5

so a proctologist is at the bank cashing his check from a hard days work. He hands the clerk his check and she tells him he cant cash it without him signing it.When he reaches in his coat pocket to grab his pen he grabs a thermometer and lets out a huge sigh. The clerk asks him what's wrong and the proctologist replies "some as[s]holes got my pen"

Answer 6

Two guys from Blount County are sittin' in a boat on Douglas Lake fishing and suckin' down beer when all of a sudden Bill says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 6 months."



Earl sips his beer and says, "You better think it over - women like that are hard to find."

Answer 7

A man walks into a bar and says: Ow.

Answer 8

ok a mate of mine to me this

ok girls are like a deck of cards

Diamonds is so you can propose to them

the heart is because you can love them forever

the clubs are for hitting them over the head with when they don't do your command right

the spades are for burying them

Answer 9

a man is attending a dinner party and gets chatting to a rich, polite, beautiful woman. she asks him what he does for a living. he replies 'dog breeding'. she says oh really? any unusual breeds? he says well once we mixed a shitzu with a bull dog. we called it a bull **** .

Answer 10

(1)you know how skinny people skinny dip then what do fat people do?? chunky dunk





a guy was in a nightclub and he had to fart and he thought that since the music was so loud no one would here him .so he farted and he noticed people looking at him and then he realized he was listing to his ipod

Answer 11

Not really the best joke, but It had me laughing.



My Friend said he wanted to get tattoos of the letter "W" on each butt cheek . So when he did cartwheels naked it said .... WoW MoM WoW.

Answer 12

Knock Knock

Whose there?

nterupting cow

interrupting cow w....

Mooooo!

Answer 13

A guy asks his wife for a picture of her boobs so he could stare at them during work. His wife replies "I want a picture of your d*ck so I can enlarge it". LOL, its the only one I remember

Answer 14

Little johnny ask his dad :" Daddy can I have a shower with u? " Dad :" Yes but as long as u don't look down." They are taking a shower johnny asks : " Daddy whats that? " Dad : " Thats my snake!"

The same thing happened with his mom. Then as they approach the night he wakes up and tells them mommy daddy can I sleep with u? they tell him as long as u don't look down there. He tells them dad put your snake on moms grass !

Answer 15

Heres one of my fav:



Little Billy and Little Suzie go to church school together.



Little Suzie didn't get much sleep, so she was very tired in class.



Little Billy sits right behind her.



The teacher asked the class "Who created the universe?"



Then, little billy poked little suzie with a needle, and then suzie yelled "Good Lord!"



The teacher said "Right!"



Then the teacher asked "Who is god's son?". Billy poked suzie again, and she screamed out "Christ!"



The teacher said "Right again".



Then the teacher asked "What did eve tell adam after they had there 69th child?"



Billy poked suzie with the needle, and then she yelled "IF YOU STICK THAT THING INTO ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD!!!"

Answer 16

I agre with Tom. The carrot joke is hilarious.

Answer 17

what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

Wheres my tractor



Whats blue and looks like a bucket?

a blue bucket

whats red and looks like a bucket?

a blue bucket in disguise

Answer 18

This one:-



Chinese speaking to a Chinese operator....Caller:Hello,can I speak to Annie Wan?

Operator:Yes,you can speak to me.

Caller:No, I want to speak Annie Wan!

Operator:Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone.You can speak to me.Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sam Wan.And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent. Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk anyone! But What's this urgent matter about?

Caller:Well...just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and Now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now,Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator:Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital,then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller:You are also so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Ree.

Caller:Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

Operator:That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree....

Answer 19

Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they haven’t seen each other since graduation. They begin to talk and bring each other up to date. The conversation covers their husbands, their children, homes, etc and finally gets around to their sex lives.



Sue says “It’s OK. We get it on every week or so but it’s no big adventure, how’s yours?”



Sally replies “It’s just great, ever since we got into S and M.”



Sue is aghast. “Really Sally, I never would have guessed that you would go for that.”



“Oh, sure,” says Sally, “He snores while I masturbate.”.

Answer 20

Q:What is a carrot?

A: An eddible taproot





lol!!!



[NOTE ON THE JOKE: Liz made this joke]

Answer 21

Whats brown and sticky?





A STICK!



---------------------------

A man hits a woman with a car, whose fault is it?



The mans,

he shouldnt have been drivingin the kitchen.



---------------------------



so a baby seal walks into a club



----------------------------



If i saw an amputee getting hung, id probably just start yelling out letters

Answer 22

dil karta hai mai tere ghar aao

1 bar aao

10 bar aao

100 bar aao

1000 bar aoo

100000 bar aao

crore bar aao

bar bar aoo

aur ghanti baja ke bhag jaooooo

ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Answer 23

knock knock

whose there

ach

ach who

bless u

Answer 24

jesus christ walks into a bar hand the innkeeper three nails and says can you put me up for the night

Answer 25

That's what she said

Answer 26

Twihards: Stephen King is jealous of Stephenie Meyer.



I laughed for around 15 minutes.

Answer 27

so this old man walks into a hospital.

the doctor says, sir, i'm afraid you have cancer and alzheimer's.

the old man responded, "At least I don't have cancer."



[laughs]

Answer 28

there's a woman with no arms or legs and shes crying and and shes on a beach and a man asks her whats wrong and she says my whole life i've never been kissed so he kisses her and then she starts crying again and the man asks her whats wrong this time and she says my whole life i've never been fucked so he picks her up throws her into the ocean and says your fucked now

Answer 29

Married people wishing for '' happy married life'' to newly wedded couple.

Answer 30

the funniest joke is

Chapati master: If you eat 100 chapaties I will give Rs100 and you are not needed to give money for the chapaties.

Customer:OK

the master gave 100 chapaties and the customer ate everything.

Customer:I have ate 100 chapaties give me the money.

master:you ate only 92 chapaties.

customer:i ate everything

master:no

Customer:yes

master: no

customer:ok u give another 100 chapaties i will eat !!!



Ha HA Ha HA ha HA!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 31

Ha Ha hA Joke

Answer 32

I looked,I stared,I cried,the baby stole my ice cream cone ?

He later became known as grown old,to be the "I Scream Man" !

Answer 33

Blah balah bala dad aDAD

Answer 34

yo momma so fat she on both sides of the family.

Answer 35

Knock knock

who's there?

banana

knock knock

who's there?

banana

knock knock

who's there?

orange

orange who?

orange you glad I didn't say banana?

Answer 36

santa................hello mai bol raha hoon

banta..................kamaal ho gya mai bhi mai hi bol raha hoon.

Answer 37

"go,pee in your hand and play with the steam...!"