I have compiled a brief list of my problems, thoughts and feelings. I would hope you do not find me odd for having the problems that I have:
1. I've lost arguments with inanimate objects. ( they always have the upper hand)
2. I have to hold on to the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.( the earths spinning all the time..you know?)
3. My job started to interfere with my drinking.(damn job)
4. My doctor found traces of blood in my alcohol stream.(:O..SHOCKING)
5. The back of my head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
6. I sincerely believe alcohol is the elusive 5th food group.
7. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case....Coincidence?!?!?
8. Two hands and just one mouth now THAT'S a drinking problem. (I have to use other holes as well...including my ears)
9. Every man and woman I saw had an exact twin.(who led to to this weird place full of animals tied up to baskets and dressed up, makeup too)
10. I fell off the floor ( I'd like to see how long YOU COULD stay on the floor)
11. Hey, 5 beers have just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
12. My idea of cutting back is less salt.
13. Every night I'm beginning to find my neighbours dog more and more attractive (he's just so beastly handsome at night in the pitch dark)
14. I'm not drunk, you're just sober!!
15. That damned pink elephant followed me home again. And it bought its friend this time.
16. I have a reserved parking space at the liquor store.
17. The shrubbery's drunk too, from frequent watering. (Ahem)